Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
