I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
