brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
