You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
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Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
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She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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