don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
