Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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