What did we do last night that was yellow?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
