you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
