Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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