i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
