i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
