Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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