Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
