ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
