I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
