There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize