Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
