all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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