i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
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she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
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Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?