Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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