My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
be right there i have to get my cape
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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