Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends

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(507): Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends http://tfl.nu/oo5w

Replies (12) Good night (1128) Bad night (1603)
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(703): View more from Virginia

Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview

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(703): Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview http://tfl.nu/b2rk

Replies (56) Good night (3025) Bad night (1234)
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(503): View more from Oregon

My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.

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(503): My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours. http://tfl.nu/f53e

Replies (40) Good night (14862) Bad night (952)
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(850): View more from Florida

The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.

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(850): The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man. http://tfl.nu/ikii

Replies (36) Good night (5065) Bad night (1266)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame

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(413): Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame http://tfl.nu/uj51

Replies (29) Good night (7910) Bad night (1228)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive

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(413): he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive http://tfl.nu/jlaw

Replies (13) Good night (1946) Bad night (3770)
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(317): View more from Indiana

I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.

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(317): I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare. http://tfl.nu/t1bj

Replies (12) Good night (4143) Bad night (984)
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(810): View more from Michigan

I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.

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(810): I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well. http://tfl.nu/a4oz

Replies (10) Good night (3258) Bad night (631)
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(530): View more from California

I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big

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(530): I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big http://tfl.nu/j8o0

Replies (8) Good night (1331) Bad night (437)
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(662): View more from Mississippi

Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?

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(662): Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!? http://tfl.nu/mo9h

Replies (4) Good night (1044) Bad night (542)
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(513): View more from Ohio

People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?

(1-513): View more from Ohio

YES.

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(513): People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join? (1-513): YES. http://tfl.nu/e51l

Replies (3) Good night (1337) Bad night (338)
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(256): View more from Alabama

It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??

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(256): It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican?? http://tfl.nu/zvoh

Replies (1) Good night (628) Bad night (249)
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(512): View more from Texas

I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.

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(512): I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours. http://tfl.nu/179p

Replies (8) Good night (498) Bad night (899)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

Why am I wearing a dog collar

(1-336): View more from North Carolina

Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.

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(336): Why am I wearing a dog collar (1-336): Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic. http://tfl.nu/ep7j

Replies (4) Good night (1108) Bad night (343)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.

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(605): No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives. http://tfl.nu/8dyn

Replies (2) Good night (314) Bad night (589)

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