oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I got my gum stuck on his balls.