i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
