So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
