all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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