im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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