I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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