Moan for me like Helen Keller
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
