So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
