He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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