As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
