this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
