i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
