he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
