for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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