I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
