Non-Jews are for practice
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
