What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
