you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
