I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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