i jhust puked up my retainher.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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