i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
