You're so nebulous sometimes
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
