Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
