is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
