Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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