You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
