no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We are two peas in an std pod
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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