Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
