We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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