Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
