Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
