Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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