8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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