I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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