mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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