Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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