Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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