quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
