I think im going to throw up on grandma
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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