mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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