Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
