Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize