I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
