oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
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Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
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We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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