this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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