hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
