Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize