tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
