You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
