There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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