He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
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I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize