i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
