thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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