I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
