I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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