Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
