WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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