So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
