So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
