I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
