I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
